‘Any fool can criticise, condemn and complain – and most fools do’. Dale Carnegie
The Cambridge Online Dictionary defines whinging as: ‘Continuous complaining, especially about something that does not seem important’.
I detest whinging. I don’t do it (I think) and it really bugs me when I hear other people doing it. I’ll explain why in a bit, but I have two important points to make first:
- Constructive criticism is not whinging. Constructive criticism is important – we all make mistakes and even when we haven’t, people are entitled to have their own views on things, which may lead them to criticise us constructively. Constructive criticism – typically, criticism that provides specific examples and actionable suggestions for change – can be very helpful, indeed crucial. We can get constructive criticism that isn’t correct, of course, but at least there is a will to help, an intention to try to make things better, from the other person’s viewpoint. Constructive criticism has the power to help us improve and we should welcome it or, at least, accept it with grace and reflect on it
- Criticism is not whinging either. Again, it may be correct or incorrect, or something in between; it may be exaggerated; it may be delivered with profanities and/or abuse (which would render it unacceptable, whatever nugget of truth it may contain). Criticism can be hard to take – even if it is merited – but we should register it and reflect on it carefully, with as much equanimity as we can muster
The problem with whinging is that it sucks the life out of individuals and groups, and it corrodes organisations. Often, it comes from a glass-half-empty attitude to life, where nothing is ever satisfactory. It’s not the repetitive nature of whinging that bothers me most, it’s the absence of any intention to help make things better. Some people who whinge a lot are aware of the trait – ‘Sorry! That’s just the way I am!’ – but don’t plan to do anything about it. But sometimes they are unaware of it. I remember losing patience one time with a colleague who whinged daily; I said something like ‘For goodness sake, will you please stop your incessant whinging?’ (I’m paraphrasing). The colleague looked at me aghast for a second and then said, in all genuineness, ‘What do you mean?’. I think we should call people out who whinge – courteously – partly because they may well be unaware and would therefore hopefully appreciate the heads-up, but mostly because of the effect that whinging has on the whingees (yes, a new word proposed is here!).
As the saying goes, complaining is draining. There are people in this world who have every right to whinge – the long-term isolated and lonely, the shredded-to-pieces victims of war, the hopeless poor – but those of us who are doing pretty well in general should surely try to spread a bit of good cheer rather than misery. Do not a whinger be.
‘Complaining is finding faults. Wisdom is finding solutions’.
